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31 March, 2005
Flirting With Suicide
"it's half past twelve,
i'm all alone.
sitting by myself,
right there on my own..
space so empty,
silence in tha air.
cold wind all surround me,
'cuz no-one's there..
at tha corner of tha subway,
i sat there on tha ground.
my lips were sealed,
there's nuthing to say,
tha words were never found..
so where are u now?
i've been searching all this while.
looking for u somewhere, somehow,
been waiting like a child..
'cuz i'm all alone,
with no direction,
i've got no where to go.
now i'm all alone,
with this infection,
i juz dun seem to noe.
i'm all alone..."
Yo man. Sigh. Nice poem huh? I kinda wrote it when...when I was on tha edge of u-noe-wad. Didn't think I could put those thoughts in perfect sentences. Yearh. A pat on my shoulder. Well, dat was tha best one I've ever did in my life. Scary. Hmm. Planned to use it as a song. Yearh. Better Left Unsaid is gonna rise one day. Aightz now. Itsie bitsie shitz of tha moments u've missed. T'dae, stuff went normal. Played basketball during PE. My theory was true. I totally suck in sports! I can't play football! I can't play basketball. I'm not even good at ball-picking!!! Haiz.. I'm juz not good in sports. Ok, quit shitting! Let's looking on tha bright side. I'm good at music! Hah! Wad nonsense?! Moving on... Went to Greenwood Primary for tha math tuition thingy. Got introduced and shitz. Dude, I suddenly felt so tall! So many cuties! SO small, yet so sinister! Hah! Then, I was like searching tha whole skool for tha toilet cuz I juz can't hold on to pee. Juz to find out, it's actually near tha canteen! Haiz. Went home at about 4. Slept. I dun why I did dat, but I juz slept. I've been feeling drowzie dis dayz. Too much day-dreaaming I suppose? Well, dat's explains a lot! Ok, last Tuesday, went to tha Red Cross Home for tha disabled. I cried in my heart. Why are they still living in dis earth? Why dun they juz die and leave all dat pain behind so dat they'll live peacefully and happily in their ever-lasting sleep?! I'm juz confused. Why do God create to make them suffer? As I walked from room to room, drips of blood went trickling down my heart. It suddenly felt so heavy. Those little faces I see on national TV, were actually in front of me. Looking so helpless. It's like they wanna tell me sumthing, but tha words won't seem to be coming out. Met dis lil' 4 year old. Bedridden. How sick was dat?! She's supposed to be having fun wit' her family and fwenz at home, at skool. But look wad's become of her? Stuck in bed, wit' a fweaking tube shoved up her nose for food! I'm juz...shitz. *broke down* Why is dis happening to dis world? If only everyone is happy...wit' no pain, no hate, no grudges, no envious shitz, juz plain old happy life. Haiz... Life. People. Shitz...
reminisced;
- 6:52 PM
