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23 March, 2006
going emo...
There is no real me,
Only an entity,
Something illusory.
And though I can hide my cold gaze,
And you can shake my hand
And feel flesh gripping yours
And maybe you can even sense
Our lifestyles are probably comparable
I simply am not there...
Hey there. Here I am again. Writing my heart out. Only dis time, I'm like goin way deep down. Though I write on dis piece of high-tech shit which I sometimes call my personal diary once in a blue moon, I alwaes feel restless. There's alwaes sumthing deep inside my heart dat wants to escape itself from tha deep, deep well inside. But I guess I culdn't let it occur. I wun let my thoughts n feelings to be known, to be recognised, to be well-spread all over dis whole earth. Yearh, shit. Heh, I guez wad they say is true, keeping sumthing insidefer way too long might bring someone to his doom. Its like cancer, killing oneself slowly and without being noticed. Tha next thing u noe, u're dead.
Got my report book todae. My heart sort of crashed again. Like diz results are tha worst in my life. Damn, only God noes how I feel. I studied all night, skipped my meals and shit, I even got myself some severe headaches which culdn't even be cured by dat panadol. Maybe I took tha wrong ones. Maybe I shuld try dat blue ones in dat bottle which reads: SLEEPING PILLS.
Felt like giving up. Seriouzly. Haiz. Man, why am I going emo..? I never thought I culd be dis sick. Heh. Aight, tried to get myself attracted to any one girl, tried to luv somebodie, maybe dat culd kill tha pain. But eversince dat date: 29th Dec 05, I somehow had dis phobia of luving anyone. Fearing dat lightning wuld strike thrice. Well, I guez i'll juz stop eyeing on any gurls. I juz culdn't take it no more, man.
Hrmm, maybe behind tha bad things, there's a good thing? Hehe. Let's juz say music controls my emotions. I'm starting a new band. Emo. Maybe wit' some people who share tha same mood as I do. Yearh, Imran, I'll listen to u. Follow tha emo music mainstream, not their lifestyle. I wun be suicidal. Sheeze. I'll juz live up my emo moods in my music. Sweeeeet.
Tomorrows' gonna be OC rehearsals till 8 at nite. I pray fer tha best fer tha band. Yearh man. Y'all can do it. I believe in y'all. Sorie fer not being dat tough on y'all. I noe I shuld be more committed to bein a Drum Major. Dat's becuz I trusted all of u. I also gotta take care of my section. They need backup, if u noe wad i mean. Since u people are excelling, tha percussionists shuld excell even more. They're great, but they need to do even better. Luckz. Chow.
reminisced;
- 7:44 PM
