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04 January, 2008
Warning: Accidents Can Happen
If you will then we'll go as fast as we go far.
Maybe we'll be forgotten when the world is torn apart.
'Cause the sun won't be so blinding,
And the rain will finally come.
The ashes will slowly pile up just to prove we're finally done..
Alright. I think I should have recovered fully by now. Man, only God knows what happened to me yesterday. I guess I've underestimated the word 'depression' and what it does to us humans. Hmm.. Well soon after that exam on Wednesday, I just lost it. I couldn't think, I couldn't even blink as fast as I should. One thing occupied my mind: the thought of staying back one more year doing music theory 1. I even told someone about it.. Hmmm.. I guess I'm just not fit for the module.. All those attempts to at least understand my notes... Well, they're just like any other attempts. Nothing good came out from it all. Hmmm...
And so that thought filled me up throughout the whole journey back home, throughout the long walk home from void deck to void deck, throughout my dinner, throughout the whole night... It even ate into my dreams. One thing I know for sure: I was in a state of depression.
The next day turned out unexpectedly. My whole body felt so weak. I felt so cold, yet I was sweating hard. I found it hard to open my eyes. My stomach hurt so bad, probably because I couldn't eat anything the night before. I thought I was about to die..
Headed to the nearest clinic, accompanied by my mum. (thanks mum.) I was the 10th to arrive. And so I waited. Tick tock, went the clock. Soon after, my turn finally came. The doc was friendly. A wee bit too friendly though.. Heh. So I explained what the problem was. 15 minutes past, and the doc patched my symptoms together like a big piece of jigsaw puzzle and finally came to a conclusion that I was having a high level of stress and if I continue thinking too much I could be down with high blood pressure. And I was like.. "Erm... Whoa...?" He gave me a lot of round stuff to swallow, including sleeping pills for my nocturnal problem. Heh. I was still weak. And I was still thinking of retaining another year..
But then, despite all that, the first thing I did when I got home was went searching for my cellphone, which happened to be under my pillow. I don't know how and why, I just had to smile, when I saw that one late message received from last night. A REALLY long one. Ahaha.. Cute.. (i was still in pain though. heh.) Well at least that brightened up my unearthly morning. So I still tried my best to open up my eyes wide and replied to her message, telling her that I won't be attending school, and I apologized for not being able to do her that favour she asked. I tried doing so without sounding like a sick mongoose. Well it's the least I could do.. Hmmm... Her message just made my sick day 'less sick'. I don't how, it just did.
For the first time this year, I suffered from depression. And it led to something that could kill me inside out. Well.. At least, it only lasted for a day. All thanks to my mum, dad, the doctor, Anders (though your message was short and sweet. heh.), and her.
Today turned out alright. Though I still felt a bit wobbly early in the morning, I just had to go to school. Don't ask why. I don't know. Heh. But it did turned out alright. And thanks to all my friends, I even forgot that I was sick to begin with. Cheers guys.
Note To Self:
i still don't know if she's attached.
and i don't wanna ruin everything by asking her that.
but, if she is,
well.. then i guess it's just another breakdown for me.
like what's the worst that could happen?
End.
reminisced;
- 11:58 PM
